Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
