my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
