Plan B is the new Plan A
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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