Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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