you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
