4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
