You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize