It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
