420 ftw
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
