Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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