You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
