I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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