am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
