I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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