non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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