My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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