Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm at about main and main street
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize