She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
