that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
