Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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