And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
