Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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