NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
