u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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