Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
