So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
