i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
