cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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