you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
