u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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