DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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