they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
