I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
