these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize