My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
