no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
