My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
