I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
