She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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