Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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