I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
