someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize