So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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