How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did I show you my penis last night?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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