i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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