Kareoke will never be a sober sport
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I party with great urgency now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
