there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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