I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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