haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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