I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
