youre lurking in front of me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
