If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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