Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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