guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
