Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I need help removing her.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
