The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize