i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this just has baby written all over it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
