can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
