I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
