Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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