I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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