And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I could fuck to npr.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
