cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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