I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
