I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
