i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
