so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
