drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
