Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was CRYING into my vagina
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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