I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
