Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
