I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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