Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
