someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if only i could text you this smell
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize