1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
